


party

by kristyn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Sadstuck, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Unrequited Love, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 11:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4058989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristyn/pseuds/kristyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>karkat gets :'( at dave's bachelor party.. :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	party

Karkat flicked his lighter two times, three times, four. “Fuck.”

“Here.”

He turned around, meeting eyes with the speaker. His best friend, Dave, stood in the doorway to the patio, holding out a match, his ankles crossed as he slouched casually against the brick wall. Sounds from the bachelor party wafted out into the still spring night.

Karkat stepped to him, accepting the light.

“Don’t tell Kankri.”

“Man, I don’t give a shit. He’s in there, probably wasted by now.”

He laughed. Took a drag.

“So,” Dave said, looking at the polluted sky. “You’re really not coming back next semester.”

Karkat blew out his smoke, looking over at his friend. “And you’re really getting married.”

“Weren’t you doing well, though? You were telling me all about that project for bio….”

He shrugged, fiddling the cheap cigarette in his fingers. “Just lost interest.”

“Bullshit. You like school.”

He took another drag. “Yeah, man, I dunno. I’m just. I’m not into it anymore.”

“But—”

“Look, Dave. I’ve been doing… Shit, man, I’ve been thinking about this shit for weeks now. I called my dad about it, like ten times. I dunno if you think I’m just fucking out of the blue doing this, but I’m not, alright?”

Dave finally looked at him. “Alright, Karkat, if you really think you’re making the right decision….”

Karkat sucked in another drag. “Why do you have to be like that?”

“Like what?”

“‘I’m Dave and I know what’s best for you.’ You sound like Kankri. Jesus.”

“Shut the fuck up, man, I actually care about your life, you know. Everyone else seems really fucking okay with you dropping out, but I know it’s bullshit. What are you gonna do? Start a band? Travel the world?”

“I dunno! Shit, maybe!”

“What about your degree? You’re never gonna get a job without one.”

“Now you sound like my counselor.”

“You only had two semesters left.”

Karkat flicked his cigarette on the ground, stomping on it. “And now I have none.”

He made to walk back into the apartment, but Dave stopped him, his wide calloused hand gripping Karkat on the arm. He looked down at him, staring hard.

Karkat met his challenge, glaring right back, into his shades so he could just barely see his eyes. “I’m done with school.”

“You’ve been really weird lately. You pick up smoking. Then you tell everyone you’re dropping out. And you don’t even talk to me about it. What the hell’s goin’ on, Karkat?”

He felt a familiar lump in his throat, tugging his words down to the pit of his stomach. He broke eye contact, choosing to stare at the beat-up air conditioner sticking out of the hallway window just to the left of the patio.

Dave grabbed his chin, forcing Karkat to face him again. “Look at me. Fucking talk to me. God.”

He swatted his arm away, rubbing where Dave’s hand was. “I…need to get away,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“I need to leave.”

“And go where? My wedding is in a month.”

Karkat tried to swallow the lump, but it wouldn’t go away. “I can’t do it.”

“Do what? School? Or my wedding?”

“Either. Both. I don’t know. I don’t care.”

Dave scoffed. “You don’t care? You don’t care about my wedding?”

Silence.

“Karkat… do you know just how much convincing it took to get my family to agree to you being my best man? I’d look pretty fucking stupid if you backed out.”

He ran a hand through his hair before answering. “I… I’m sorry, Dave, I just. Fuck. I don’t think I can do it.”

Dave’s face softens. “It’s not like you have any real duties. I mean, you already pretty much did everything with the bachelor party. And… I know the family was weird about it. But they’ve known you fifteen years. To them, you’re still Serena.”

Karkat cringed at the sound of his old name. “That’s. That’s not even the problem.”

“Oh. Then what the fuck is it?”

“Let’s. Sorry, let’s just get back to the party. I can’t fucking talk about this anymore.”

He had to leave. He had to get out of there, get to his room. Sob into his pillow.

Dave grabbed his arm again. “You crazy? We’re not done talking about this. I don't give a fuck about the party. We’ve been best friends for fifteen years.”

Karkat shook his head. “No. Dave, no. I’m not talking to you about this at your fucking bachelor party.”

He tried to relinquish himself from Dave’s grip, but Dave held tight.

“Talk to me.”

“I’m not saying shit.”

“Is it about Jane?”

Karkat stomach flipped. “No.”

“I know things got really awkward last night, and I’m so sorry I put you in that situation.”

“I’m always in that fucking situation, every time you put me in a room with her. God. She still thinks I’m a woman.”

“That’s not—”

“Yes it is! You hear her. She talks to me like I’m not even a person. Did you know last night was the first time I went swimming topless since transitioning?”

“Yeah. I know it was. I’m seriously really sorry about that, man.”

“Whatever.”

Dave finally let go of his friend’s arm.

“I’m sorry she’s like that. I wish she’d get along with you. But…” Dave stares him down again. “That’s not it. Is it.”

Karkat slowly shook his head.

“Tell me.”

He shook his head again.

“Tell me.”

“Don’t make me say it, Dave.”

He scanned Karkat’s face. Karkat looked down.

“Karkat. You know I love you, right?”

Karkat laughed, tears forming in his eyes. He looked up so they wouldn’t fall. “Why do you have to say that to me?”

“It’s true.”

“But not in the way that I want it to be.”

Dave shook his head. “No.”

“Sometimes I… I wonder if you’d want me if I was still a woman.”

“You were never a woman.”

Karkat smiled. “Heh. Yeah, I guess you’re right. Can’t be helped, huh?”

Dave smiled with him, gripping his shoulder one more time before turning around. “Please don’t drop out. Not for me. I’m not worth that.”

Karkat chuckled. “Alright. Well, I’ll think about it.”

The patio door slid shut and Karkat returned to the railing, lighting another smoke and waiting for tears that never came.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is gay and im crying


End file.
